Wednesday 17 June 2009

Together...Towards....Love


They passed half distance of their usual evening walk. She kept her silence as always where she wanted him to begin.But as usual his mind was wandering somewhere. Always she waited for his words, she loved it. In other way, she always felt herself special by listening him and to respond. But today she can't. Today she doesn't want to feel herself important. She just want to let him know that she loves him. She wanted to express it. She felt a similar kind of pain when she used to hide herself from others. She felt her ego was showing gestures within her heart. Now, If she is not opening her mouth , she might die!!

She looked at him. He is walking slowly. He is smiling slightly like when he is really happy. He rarely laugh. He smiles openly. But the mild one comes very occasionally. He may be thinking about the day. She was sure that today he really feels like a successful person in life. And the thing which she is going to tell him, she is afraid that if it will break his world or will make him completely silent. Anyway, she must tell.

She starts, "Shall i tell u something(Duh! again ego...!) ?" She felt he startled slightly. He turned his head to her side and "still u need my permission dear?" An open smile comes. "Im listening" he told. "I Love U" that came fast from her.He again turned to her and told "i know" and gave her a killing smile. She felt like crying. She continued "No, u dont know." Now smiles gave space to surprise. She cant wait for his next dialogue. So, "I am sorry dear. I were lying all these times. When we met, u were not special for me. When u told me that u love me.. i didnt know how to reply. I liked u but as any other friends or any lovable person in my life. I was confused for what reason u r loving me. For me or for anyone else in this world, i was not that special that make them tell me those three golden words. When u told me that u want to marry me i simply agreed becoz u were not a demanding person and in an arranged marriage too i wont get another option." She sighed "Im sorry that im hurting u but i cant help it."

He told "I am listening. Pls continue." She gulped, "in our marriage, i stood with u bcoz i was very sure that u'll be a great son for my parents. Our marriage, we both tried our maximum to make it happen and it happened. We were happy. U never questioned me and i never did it back. U were a hunderd times better son to my family and i hope i too have done my maximum to be a part of ur family. I have to say that im blessed to have ur parents as my in-laws. We started living together. I started loving ur days, ur smell, ur love, ur care, ur worries,ur tensions, ur job, ur relations, ur world and so on. Gradually they became 'ours'. Our world, our children and our life. I didnt miss my world but i was thinking that i have been missing not my world but myself. I was trying to say myself that i got into ur life bcoz i didnt find any other choice. All these days u always proved that u r too good for me which was making me feel guilty. A thousand times u've told me that u love me. I was ashamed to say it back. I could never put me in such a situation where i am saying it back. I was scared to love u. I was panic and confused whether i deserved u. I am sorry that i couldnt love u as u did. My complexes didnt let me to accept wheather we could be an ideal pair. I always felt that u deserved a much better wife. My ego retaliated ur love. I always questioned the ideality of our relation. I am really sorry. But now.. after all these years when im looking back in me, im not able to see myself. Im only seeing u. There is no I. There is only ur love and i am complete with it or u made me complete. U gave me everything in my life. Now even its really really late, but still I must say that I love u and im only loving u. I know u wont get angry with my words, but please dont punish yourself .Please dont do that."

He is walking. A cool breeze went thorugh them. After 2 minutes silence "shall we sit there for a while?" he asked by pointing a bench on the sideway. They sat. Again silence. She is sitting half bend with a fallen face. He's now having a faraway look on something but in contradiction to the state of, few mins back.. she knew now his mind is with her, just near to her. After a few bits, his husky brusqueness came to her followed by a heavy sigh, "As u know, im not angry but how can i let myself from not punishing me since i made u to do it till now? When i told u first time that i love u i didnt have anything else except my love. U taught me to dream and fulfill my necessittates, my family, my relations. U r the one who reminded my responsibilities. U r the person who let me create my own, later our own world. Who gave me the right to make u feel sorry? So pls dont feel sorry." She felt that finally he regained his words.

A moment later the next lines r coming from him, "If u been with me all these 30 years of our marriage and gave me such a wonderful company without being in love with me, sorry dear...Im being more selfish that i wish to live many more years with my loving wife. Im being much more selfish by saying I need u in my life and i wont let u go that easily." He took her hands into his. She couldnt hold the thunderstorms anymore within her mind. They r coming out with a heavy rain of tears in her eyes. He held her tightly with his arms by wrapping her with a fierce hug and comforted her at his shoulders.

They r returning back to home....to relish their most lovely years by loving more each other..

Photo Courtesy : http://totomel.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/old_couple_3413123.jpg

Thursday 23 April 2009

100 Things About Me...?? Wondering..?? Even I am...! ;-)





Thanks to Vrinda and Sujiyettan for making me to think a few more unnecessary things..! ;-D

Anyway..... Great effort from me...so kindly follow...Be patient...Don't Attack me after reading this....:-P

Caution : If u really don't have time...pls don't waste it...u can move on...! Thank u..:-)

1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Nothing much visible...

2.WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?

Usually nothing...i dont like stickers or posters on my wall...but since we r presently staying in a rented house there r some scribblings here and there on the wall.

3.DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
Snoring and teeth grinding...i can say a confident no...but talking....hmmm...heard i used to talk in sleep when im seriousely ill..!

4.WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Any type...but in most cases...melodies...of any period..!

5.DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Yes I do. 01.55 am on 1st September 1987. Heard those who born in the early mornings will have a pranky nature but am i that much Prankster...?no idea...!

6.WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Want to get atleast a 75/100 in the 27th Mining Geology exam.:-)

7.WHAT DO YOU MISS?
I am missing my self confidence.

8.WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
May be my PC...nothing else...im sure..


9.HOW TALL ARE YOU?
No one ever used the term "tall" in my case. im short...so ask how short r u...im 153 cm


10.DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Never thought abt it. I think im not.


11.DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Scared?? Im not...but i always prefer light..

12.THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Ettan..But it was not the usual stuff happen after a simple fight. I cried when he told the reason for absence of confidence to write anything and the worst part is that he is completely true.

13.WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
To make my family disappointed

WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Black


15.WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
Yahoo messenger....:D

16.COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Always Coffee...preferably a black coffee..!


17.FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPING?
I dont like Pizzaa

18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Onion Oothappam..!

19.FAVOURITE COLOUR OF ALL TIME?
I love light blue and black...but i always felt my colours are red even if i dont like it much..


20.HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
No...Im a veggie


21.WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
In my high school, one of my teachers took me for a quiz competition where i got a second prize after a controversial tie breaker.. On that day she told me that im her winner and she is always expecting me on top and gave a book called "10 most famous lady scientists" by C. G Santhakumar. Those words and her trust is my biggest gift.

22.DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
No...!


23.ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No..:-)

24.FAVOURITE CLOTHING BRAND?
presently...Globus and Levis and any cotton dress.

25.WHO IS YOUR FAV FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY?
Im not much into the celebrity concepts....! only believe in celebrity actions....not persons..!

26.DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
No..!im scared of pets..also im allergic towards pilus...!


27.WHAT KIND IS IT?
Skipping...!

28.WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Sigh...! im afraid...i may....!

30.SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
1


31.BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes.

32.FAVOURITE QUOTE?
Hmm.....!there are many....!but influencing or favourite one...i dont know...there may be inspiring!

“Love all , trust a few. Do wrong to none. This above all, to thine own self be true” - Shakespeare

33.FAVOURITE PLACE?
A never ending clean road with green foliages and shadows...


34.HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE INDIA?
No..!


35.YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Idling, coffees, criticisms, and unnecessarily tormenting myseslf..!


36.MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
Yes...never went to them...but had some accidental meetings....!

37.FIRST JOB?
Worked in a project taken by Indian Institute of GeoMagnetism where i got my first salary/stipend...:-)

im not sure whether i can call it as a job...still always had a working atmosphere.

38.EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yes ...I did..! more than once..! :-D

39.DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
Yes I do... that may not be the ideal person...but i always believe there is always a soulmate.


40.WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Was chatting with my Angootta sister(that's what i love to cal her) Nishedathi and Sujiyettan.

41.HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
Not yet..even if i had many health problems...never had to go under knives...!

42.WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
For being natural and flexible.....!;-)

43.HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
No.


44.WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Peacefulness (last two years...i missed it...last birthday..One of my classmate had an accident and he left this world and previous to that i had a bad fever and i was tired and hungry for the whole day...!!:-( )


45.HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES
may be 2. if the first one is a boy..i love to have another one...but in other case...one is enough...but its too early to decide...;-)

Names...there r many....presently....i love the name starting with A.
May be Abhay(though im having tough competitors....;-) ) and Bhadra. :-)



46.WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Don't think so. Actually my grandmother(muthassi) chosen this name Akhila and Achan gave this extended version as Akhila M Krishnan Namboodiri. :-D

47.WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Men who are underestimating others without knowing them properly...!

48.WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKED ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
High school...i love everything...!

Teachers...they always gave their extreme support and the freedom to think in my own way...!

50.DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes i do...even if i used to experiment every now now and then...!

51.WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT?
Im a veggie....! No meat...!

52.ANY BAD HABITS?
Many.....! idling....!being too emotional and pessimistic.....( some kinda emotional atyachar...)!
Being a complete Virgo in the matter of crucial criticisms....!;-)


53.ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
I am not....!


54.IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Normally i wont mind to go for a person first....but the next step is surely depend on the reaction...so i think i would...!

55.DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
Not really....! i think friends r good to get along with in every situations...but for benefits.....i doubt...!

56.DO LOOKS MATTER?
Not much...! but yeahh...in very rare conditions..they do...!but in general...not...!

57.HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
By acting indifferently... ;-)

59.WHAT'S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE?
First to survive...then to be the fittest one..!

60.WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?
I didn't have any specific toy...but i had an imaginary friend whom i used to call Appu. Later one day...amma cheated me by lying Appu drowned in our well....:-(

61.HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
More than 250...

62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
Who is this barney???did i miss any familiar face???:O

63.Do you use sarcasm?
Yes....sometimes i do...but i don't know how effective it is...!

64.MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Macaroni and cheese when im not in any diet...!

65.WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Approachability.....decency....and genuineness...

66.WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
There r many.....in chronological order...Ammu-->Chukudu-->Akhi--> Maramkeri(friends)-->Neelu(kalliyankattu neeli)-->Ammini-->Potti,Paru, chakki , kotha, bhadrakali(all by ettan)-->

67.FAVOURITE SUPER POWER?
Smile...!

68.WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?
since im a curious kid(;))...anything decent which makes me curious...!

69.WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
Deal with maximum genuineness and manners without being hypocritical by keeping ur morality at high profile.

70.WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Vanilla..and chocolate..

71.DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
Let me check..!
haa...yes...!!:-D

73.PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
Tonight?? Now its 2.15 am. Didn't make any plans yet..!


74.WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
Where is my family belongs to....:-)



75.DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Not necessarily...its all personal interests...but its nice to try once...


76.WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
An old song from the film ANAMIKA....”bahoon mein chali aa.....”

77.LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Black coffee

78.LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
It was a conference call wit hettan , kunjettan and Thapettan.

79.THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX
hmm..May be the personality......simplicity and foot...(yes...somehow i got that habit with any new person ! :D ).


80.WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Depends....!Reading, watching movie..browsing, listening songs...or to have a peaceful walk., a comfortable journey, talking, thinking ..can be anything.!

81.FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
Fake ppl and Bossy nature...!

82.FAVOURITE SEASON OF THE YEAR
Monsoon..!

83.WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE TYPE OF CANDY?
Dark chocolate any milkyyy sweets...!

84.HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
Yes i had and im having..

85.WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Dark brown and a few grey...:O !

86.EYE COLOR?
Black

87.SHOE SIZE?
5

88.FAVOURITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
McDonalds..

89.FAVOURITE RESTAURANT?
Woodlands and also Saravana Bhavan(Chennai)

91.WHO WERE YOUR GOOD FRIENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL?
Shifana, Sruthi, shahin and Roshan

92.FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Most of the days in September. Also there r many memorable days...

93.PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
No.Had a genuine wish to learn violin...but couldn't

94.POLITICAL VIEW?
Its always depends with a clear political view...

95.KISSES OR HUGS?
Both...Give and Take warm hugs and passionate kisses at right situations...from right ppl...:-)

96.RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Always relationships...

97.WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
One banana.



98.WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?
I will...I must...! at least for a certain period of time..In a complete working environment, i wont be able to survive for a long time..!

99.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Even if im not reading it continuosely..Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoevsky

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE
Still taking much time to describe...will let u know if anything happens....




Photo courtesy: http://frecklewonder.typepad.com/frecklewonder/2007/03/a_few_things.html

Sunday 7 September 2008

Am I Crazy? :D

It was again a complaining, fighting evening with my dearest Brother...my ettan... And we both were enjoying doing that.. as usual.:D after a 45 minutes of smashy arguments and cutest thunderstorms and "Dishyooms.." at last we got tired and became ready for a compromise talk.

And here goes my turn.....as every time i opt...then also my choice was a walk through the IT highway where i can have a look on sm handsome IT geeks and ettan can have a simultaneous "resting " in the near by lonely bus stop benches..! And now we finished our one round walk upto the Gr8 Tidel Park and returned. i was little disappointed on that day bcoz it was a sunday and a holiday... "Y these IT companies r having an off on sunday?" my biggest question that moment...:P

We decided to sit in the nearest bus stop to return. i was tired but the fresh air walk made me happy. At the end of the day of practically doing "nothing" i really wanted to do something crazy. If u r thinking that i could scream madly then i would love to call u crazy bcoz it was night 10.30 and if im screaming there in the very next morning i would have been in a Mental Hospital. Ok. I was requesting,begging, challenging, ettan to find something crazy for me to do at that moment.... He was keep telling me..."Stop these nonsense...!dont be crazy!". But i was not ready to listen.

Oh My God..!the next second there entered 3 handsome guys to the screen and they sat on the bench just near to us. Suddenly ettan told me..."Ok..do what ever i say...Look that Tree Opposite to u..Cross the road and get one leaf from that tree.." I looked. The tree is on a platform of devider. if i need to get the leaf i've to climb it. Just have to create a show! But i've tempted him and if im not doing...so shame..!

I've decided to do it...but the biggest problem was to cross the road which is one of the fasest highway of the city. I made calculation. there is no images to keep here...what u want u do it....and i've done it...!when i started to cross...ettan was staring me...when he realized that i gonna do it...he started to smile...the enjoying cute smile...! I blinked my eyes playfully and crossed and climbed the platform. Then whole eyes on me. I started to laugh and plucked 4 leaves by jumping. Then i made my royal return!

U can never imagine...I was feeling like in heaven. I was jumping infront of ettan. One of my happiest moment in my life happened...I've never enjoyed some prank this much. My joy made my brother happy. Those 3 guys... They were looking at us and laughingly commenting on us... I was l feeling like a kindergarten gal who won a trophy in a hide n seek or snake n ladder game..

I can never forget that wonderful night which made me realize that somewhere in my heart still im keeping my childhood and innocence!

Saturday 16 August 2008

Dreaming Creepers!

It was not possible for me to differentiate the time. first i thought it was night. But later I came to know that it was early in the morning. Me and amma were sitting in the small hall in our old illam. We were chatting something interesting. I was wondering why Ani is not joining us. Bulb lights were glowing on the walls. Where is the Tubelight?

We were doing something interesting...im sure..becoz otherwise i will never go for any of such domestic kinda work..but y im not able to understand what we were doing...suddenly amma opened the back door for some purpose. Shroooooooommm.....one black colored shining creature came into room....it was flying..its velvet black colour made it more attractive and at the same time more horrifying...it was a snake...!

“Ammu..its a snake...” amma told me. U may think that comment is unnecessary..but seriously, at that moment i think that comments understand what was it. I was keep looking at it. I got panic. Started screaming. Unlike the previous times i felt amma was enjoying its beauty. I've never seen such a fastest creature in my life. And its royal appearance brought more fear in me. It was flying here and there. Sometimes it came to the floor... there was not sufficient space for a marathon..me and amma were keep moving to and fro like we were arranging space for its royal play. In those bulb lights its body was glowing like an obsedien. Amma was showing me...ammu look at its body..so shiny na?...huh...!amme..stop this...how we will throw this away...think about it.!i was scolding her.
Now it's flying and sneezing over us. We came into his vision. I felt it got confused with something like which one of us will be his next prey. I can even remember his eyes.it was looking at me. It was a new experience to see the eyes of a snake so closely. I started screaming again...amma told....dear...pls stop crying....it will notice u by ur weird movements. I started to keep mum!

Again it flown to air. This time...i made a mistake. Before amma could tell me anything I took something long from the room and have beaten it. Nothing happened.but this provoked him and he came to the floor. Now, this time it was behind me... i was running here and there. It was like it was really waiting at me to make some mistake an i made. I was trying not to put a leg on him. But next second i felt something touched my feet. Oh,...its really burning...!

I opened my eyes. Oops! it was a dream. Where is amma..?I thought about her. she was with me. But my legs were still burning...!

Wednesday 30 January 2008

Worshipping Shadowism!!!!!!!!!!

Worshipping Shadowism!!!!!!!!!!

Have u people ever thought about the shadows? Damn!!!! These craps will never let me do anything. Even they do not have their own bodies. They can rule me through their instabilities. Still they made me to say that “I admire them, I respect them, and at last I’ve started worshipping them ”. They can bring out my whole emotions in life.

Ofcourse I admire God…and I accept him as the almighty. I never felt that I am praying or pleading him anything. I felt he is someone with whom I can have an open conversation. He is someone who doesn’t need any explanations from my side. He knows me more than I know myself.

But in case of shadows…they r some creatures who know me very well. Still they can haunt me. They can ask me silent questions…they need explanations for everything… Again. Here lies the crap again… I love them… Huh!!!! I think. how can I? I love them because they are someone at least have cares for me. I start love them when I start love myself and I start to hate them when I’ve hatred towards me. Really it’s not a big deal…

They will ask me questions in each of my actions. But those questions will never be personal. They do not have any intention to hurt me as the original fleshy bodies have. As far as my concern, they want me to think on every action.

I started care shadows from those days when I got the theory of “I don’t want to be a blind follower… I don’t want any follower… I need only a co-traveler ”. I know only these silent creatures can accept this agenda which is really a trap. Since they r suffering me a lot…. I gave them the full freedom to rule me …to haunt me…to irritate me with bloody questions…. to make me titter sometimes…to make me cry as anyone can…(I hate this part of mine… as hell).

Shadows r not my followers…. and I am not following them too. I think I am blindly believing Shadowism!!!!!.

Mission : Finding Myself.!!!!!!!

Mission : Finding Myself.


My ways in life…may be they r so immature…still I love them… They were full of warmth. Each time they were vague. They confused me at each point. Let me tell u. They were unknown for me. Those paths were completely filled with darkness. I was moving like a blind. But somehow. Everytime.In every turning… one hand was ready to hold me. Ready to move me in right way. But those hands never told me where I would meet the next turn. Even now. I really want to return to the stages in my life where I found strange faces those which later l made familiar. Y I really thinks that it was better them to be strange…? I don’t know.


I am sure that if I wish to return to my old days…. I shall lost my way in the middle… they were so strange for me. It was completely an aimless voyage. And I am that much sure in another thing that my future ways will not be different with them. Even if I’ve some aim for my physical existence… For my spiritual life…for my philosophies…. for my mental stabilities…. I m not sure that i can find a solution..!

Sunday 9 September 2007

My new policy: Stop thinking...!!!!!!!

I don't know actually y i am starting this new habits like blogging...may be my circumstances forced me to do this adventurous thing....